


Draw your sword !

by Tessaerith



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: A lot of chantry commissioned work, F/M, French Character, MGiT, Modern Girl in Thedas, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Original Female Character, Searching for a beta reader, Social Anxiety, also think about this : alla prima painting techniques !, are book illuminations a thing in thedas ?, because my character is gonna make it a thing, court intrigue (maybe), original character is a painter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:08:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23246788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tessaerith/pseuds/Tessaerith
Summary: What happens when a digital artist gets stuck into Thedas? She tries to take advantage of her main assets and make a living out them. She just didn't expect that one day it would get her to be engaged in the Inquisition.
Relationships: Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Comments: 49
Kudos: 116





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be honest here, I'm writing this fanfiction mainly for myself. There's probably gonna be a lot of spelling mistakes because English is not my first language, but I'm gonna do my best. ( Also if anyone is interested in beta reading my chapters, please message me ! )
> 
> I always dreamed of reading a mgit fanfiction centered around a painter, so I might as well write this.
> 
> Because I'm an artist as well, this is gonna be heavily inspired by my own experiences. Call it therapy if you will. After all, this story first began to form in my head when I tried to imagine how the fuck could someone survive in Thedas if their only useful skill was drawing.

_My eyes fluttered as I was trying to regain consciousness. Forms and colors were blurring together in my mind, I felt my heart pounding dangerously into my chest and I couldn't do anything to calm it._

_While I was trying to understand what was happening to me, I felt my hand falling in the water. That's when I realized that I was sitting down against a rocky wall. I was still wearing my nightgown, it was drenched in mud, water and who knows what... Icy air was whipping my face and naked arms, and a nauseating odor was lingering in the air._

_When I became fully aware that I was not in the comfort of my bed at home anymore but abandoned in an unknown dark alley in the middle of the night, I opened my eyes in chock. Except for a few lights that were lining up at the end of the street, I could only see the darkness that was around me. In any case, it didn't look like I was near my hometown at all and that thought petrified me._

_The narrowness of the alley protected me from the torrential rain that fell that night. But that fact didn't reassured me at the moment._..

_That wasn't good at all, why was I here ?_

_I tried to remember what I was doing the night before but nothing came to my mind. I perfectly remembered who I was or where I grew up. Hell! I even remembered all my mother's cat names that she adopted through the years. But it was like something important was missing. It was like I wanted to tell something, but whenever I tried to open my mouth my brain suddenly forgot what it was about. It was frustrating, to say the least._

_My view began to blur again as tears filled my eyes. After a few attempts, I stood up and began to walk away from my spot on the ground, anywhere but here was better. I figured that If I walked long enough I would find where I was and possibly go home, right ?_

_I was so confused and scared that I bumped into so many things without even looking back, all that I wanted was to escape and get away from whatever this place was. But as much as I walked into the dark I realized that it wasn't a bad dream,it felt a little too real to me._

_And when I thought that I was going to have a panic attack, I felt a hand reach out to me._

* * *

* * *

" Hey Berry, you alright here ? I didn't mean to startle you like that. "

I quickly turned my head to see an amicable looking dwarf glancing at me with a worried look on its face. I then looked at the hand that he placed on my arm. The very same one that made me gasp just a moment ago. My body began to relax when I realized that it was just him.

" It's okay Varric. " I replied with a nervous smile. "You should know by now that even my own shadow makes me jump sometimes. " 

He chuckled at that. 

"Yes, I forgot that you tend to react like that. Maybe I should change my nickname for you and rename you Jumpy instead."

I glanced at him with disapproval, that only made him smile more. 

" You seemed lost into thought, that's not like you to do that. Does it have anything to do with that painting of yours? "

" This room is full of paintings Master Tethras, You will have to tell me which one."

I took a look around me. My studio, or Atelier, as I liked to call it, was full of paintings. Most of them depicted illuminations and verses from the Chant of Light , but you could see other works that were more imaginative, they were reminiscent of the tarot cards of my homeworld. 

One of them, in particular, was the reason that the Inquisition took an interest in me as of lately. It depicted a young elf woman walking toward her death. With an unmistakable green light coming off her hand.

It was not the painting that Varric was talking about today, he was now fixing the very same painting that I lost myself into when he came into the room.

That one painting had a very different atmosphere than all the other Chantry related works and portraits displayed across the room. 

That one painting displayed the narrowed and rainy alleys of Denerim.

That painting depicted one of the worst nights of my life. 

  
  


I turned my head to look at it again, trying to hide my emotions the best that I can. But I couldn't avoid the pained sight that escaped my lips. I didn't know what to tell him. And I guess he was lost for words too after seeing my hurt expression. After all, he had also things that he didn't have the heart to talk about too. 

After what felt like an eternity, the door to the Atelier opened to an armored woman with short hair and a determined expression.

"The herald came back from his errands." She told us. " If everything is packed from your side, then we can carry on. "

I shyly smiled at her. 

"Thank you lady ... hum seeker Penthagast. I shall head out shortly with the last of my bearings!" I managed to respond to her.

She frowned at me. 

"Simply call me Cassandra, there is no need for such formalities." She straightened herself. 

" I will wait outside with the others. "

And with that, she slammed the entrance door shut with an unreadable expression on her face. 

Varric chuckled again.. 

"You know Jumpy."I scowled at him. "I heard that the seeker was a fan of your works."

"I would not be surprised, I did work for a long time with the chantry after all." 

  
  


"Aww, don't sell yourself short, Jumpy. I heard that you also did a lot of beautiful illustrations for some of Thedas most well know best sellers!" I shook my head, retaining my laughter. 

"I remember that one of them was particularly well written, what was its name again?" He continued " Tale of Dungeon. ? " He inquired at me with a smirk. 

I let out a giggle and wave him away with my hand. 

Varric kindly patted my back.

"So, ready to join the inquisition? "

" Ready as I can be. Hopefully, the only sword that I will draw will be on canvas. " I responded nervously.

"Come on then, we better not keep them waiting. "

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, I hope you liked my prologue. Again, English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes that you could read. Before posting or writing any more chapters I will try to find someone to help me correct them.
> 
> If you spot any mistakes feel free to message them in the comments too, I would be happy to correct them. 
> 
> The illustration that you can see in the middle of the chapter was an old drawing that I made of my first inquisitor. If I'm motivated enough I'll try to put some more drawings in the following chapters too! 
> 
> I didn't write any fanfiction since middle school so it has been a while for me, but I was happy to rediscover the medium. It's my first time writing seriously in another language too. There is not a lot of french dragon age fanfiction you see, so I might as well write it in english ahah....


	2. The lights in the shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our protagonist questions her faith and remembers her first days in thedas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone , thank you for the kudos and the first bookmarks that I got for the prologue of this fanfiction. I myself tend to start reading a fanfiction when it already has several chapters. So to see that after a chapter some of you took the time to leave a comment leave me very thankfull ! 
> 
> English is still my second language so I apologize again in advance if you see any mistakes in this chapter. Feel free to send them to me in the comments if some of them shocked you. 
> 
> On that note, I wish everyone a good chapter and a good day on these troubled times !

The cabin that was assigned to me was quite away from the rest of the Inquisition camps. Which was not a bad thing, considering that I preferred to be alone most of the time. And if I could escape from the more populated areas of Haven on the pretext that the smell of my paint would disturb the neighborhood, then I wouldn't hesitate to do so. 

It was still early when I woke up, my body, still not used to its new environment, was having a hard time falling asleep and was having an even harder time keeping that way. Knowing that I would not be able to go back to sleep, I took a quick wash and dressed myself warmly before going outside. 

Haven's cold air filled my lungs as I took a deep breath, I shivered for a moment but I welcomed this breath of fresh air with relief.

The sun had barely risen and the sky was flooded with pink and purple hues.Admiring the snowy landscape, I slowly made my way towards the main camp.

As I was passing by the battlements, I saw the soldiers. They had not yet started training and only a few of them were there to tidy up and prepare the battling equipment. As I passed them I saw Seeker Pentaghast squatting next to the training dummies, her elbows resting on a chest. She seemed concentrated, and when I got close to her I could hear her whispering verses from the Chant of light.

“Blessed are they who stand before

The corrupt and the wicked and do not falter.”

The familiarity of her verses brought a smile to my face, so I crouched down beside her, imitating her position. Feeling my presence next to her, she opened her eyes to look at me for a moment before looking forward and continuing to recite her prayers.

“ Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just.” 

She hesitated for a few moments, seemingly lost in thought, and I decided to go on instead.

“Blessed are the righteous, the lights in the shadow.

In their blood the Maker's will is written”

Cassandra came to her senses and stood up, and so did I.

"We live in strange times..." she started.

"That we do..." I said, looking at the horizon. 

"Thank you for joining me, though I remember that Leliana told me that you didn't believe in the Maker." 

I made a face. "And she didn't lie to you." 

"It's surprising, considering the time you spent as a Chantry sister." Cassandra continued, her voice full of astonishment. To this questioning, I lowered my head, a sad smile on my lips. It took me back years ago.

* * *

* * *

_I've never been very religious, but as soon as I saw the church through that freezing rain. I rushed inside for shelter in the hope to find some answers and understand what was happening to me._

_That night, when the sisters found me, I couldn't even put two words together. I don't know what made them decide to keep me there. In retrospect, I realized that they thought they were probably taking in a noblewoman who was escaping the Blight's misfortune. After all, a young girl speaking Orlesian, whose teeth were perfectly white and who had no signs of hard work or malnutrition on her body, should not be a normal sight in the streets of Denerim._

_For a very long time, I thought that I was just not awake, that I was living a strange dream or that I had gone back in time to the Renaissance era. Except here the church didn't exist, but elves and magic did. And many other things…_

_In spite of all this, this world seemed so familiar to me, whether I heard a person's name or one of a city, each time I had the impression that my mind accepted it as a matter of fact. As if I had always known that Ferelden had an unconsidered love for Mabari war dogs or that Tevinter always elected a man as the Divine._

_I didn't know what to do with my situation. Right now, if I had a roof to sleep under and I was not dying of hunger, that's what mattered in the end, right? Who was I going to tell about what was happening to me without them thinking that I was crazy?_

_There were days when I didn't even know what to believe ... What if everything that was happening was just a figment of my imagination? What if I've just gone crazy?_

_During those days I could only stand in front of Andraste's statue in that Denerim Chantry for hours. Asking in silent prayers why I was there , but I never heard an answer. Those days always ended with the same verses that the reverent mother and other sisters recited there day after day._

_Where Andraste never answered, the sisters and their verses were the pillars that comforted me and kept me from wavering..._

* * *

* * *

"The chantry has done a lot for me, I can't thank them enough for that." Cassandra nodded at me. "And the Chant has reassured me many times in my worst moments. But..." I paused, searching for the right words. 

"But?" Cassandra inquired . 

"But even though I prefer to believe that a superior being exists, I don't want to follow man-made doctrines, I prefer to follow my own path and make decisions on my own that I know are right."

"So you're not against the idea that the Maker exists? "I shrugged at her question.

"Anything is possible. But if he does exist, he surely is something that even us humans can't grasp." 

"I see..." finished Cassandra, baffled. 

A silence settled between the two of us. I sighed internally, all the conversations that I had seemed to end up like this. After all this time, I still couldn't talk to people without making them uncomfortable. While I was trying to keep my cool I looked at Cassandra again. 

"Do you know if Sister Nightingale is awake? She asked me to see her as soon as possible when I had finished settling down to talk about my work within the Inquisition. "Cassandra came to her senses. 

"Of course, I can take you to her if you'd like." I smiled at her and waved her to Haven's entrance.

"Then, after you Seeker" She frowned again at my words. 

"Please, call me Cassandra."

"Cassandra." I repeated. She nodded and guided me into Haven. 

The village was slowly starting to wake up, smells of food began to wander in the air. The villagers were looking at us curiously. Some greeted Cassandra as she passed by, others stared at me shamelessly. After all, I didn't look like a soldier or a refugee. Even though my hands were now worn out by work and a harder life, my appearance, inherited from a carefree childhood, would never go unnoticed. It was when I continued to brood over those old thoughts that Cassandra spoke again.

"Despite what you believe, I think that the Maker has put you in our way for a reason." I had an awkward laugh. 

"Well, I respect your beliefs, Cassandra. But any other painter would be able to do the job that I will do for the Inquisition. Well maybe their paintings would not be as pretty as mines but..." I nervously laughed. " Well, you know what I meant."

Cassandra seemed surprised by my statement. 

"Didn't anyone tell you?" 

"Tell me what ? What else would I do here ?" I asked her with as much astonishment as she did.

"This is because of my painting depicting the suffering of elves that you hired me, right ?" I continued, confused. "I heard that your herald is also an elf and I don't know many painters in Orlais who would agree to portray him as a savior."

Cassandra stopped walking and looked at me.

“ You have a gift” She began. I wanted to laugh at her again but I stopped when I saw how serious she looked. “ And you are not even aware of it.” she continued with awe in her voice. 

"What are you talking about?" I was getting more and more nervous, this feeling of emptiness that has been chasing me since I arrived in Thedas came back at full speed and got stuck in my throat. I couldn't look Cassandra in the eye, and my heart was racing in my chest.

The seeker put her hand on my shoulder.

“Breath, I will walk you to the War room, I think that we need everyone to be there to talk about this, alright ?” 

I could only nod and let Cassandra guide me into the Chantry. Maybe this is the moment that I waited for all these years. Does me arriving in this world had any meaning after all? I tried to keep myself calm as I finally entered the War room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter till the end! The drawings that are featured in the chapter are made with charcoals by yours truly ahahah... is this how you say it? It sure looks cool to say it like that. 
> 
> Well...
> 
> The only thing that is left to say is that if anyone is interesed, I'm still searching for a beta-reader. Don't hesitate to message me if you want to help me correct my spelling mistakes.


	3. The shadows hidden in the light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A serious discussion is taking place in the war room, and our main character asks herself if it really was a good idea to join the inquisition after all...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey it has been a while since I updated, I have been dealing with health issues so I took a break from writing these past months. It's still a work in progress but now I feel a lot better and I'm taking one step at a time.
> 
> I also began to study in college, I currently take English studies, history, and translation class and I really enjoy it so far. I feel like I improved in my writing so I'm really proud of that chapter. I hope that you will like reading it as much as I liked writing and translating it. Such a shame that there is not a viable french fanfiction community in the Dragon Age fandom , but it's okay I really enjoy the English speaking one and it's works.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter, and like always if you see any spelling mistake or any odd writing don't hesitate to point them out in the comments. And yeah I'm still searching for a beta reader, but it's okay now if I don't find one, I'm becoming more confident in my writing and I hope that you feel it in this chapter too!

When I enter the war room, a bunch of eyes turns towards me. A part of myself wants to run outside immediately,it's always that part of myself who screams first. 

In a fraction of a second, the rational part takes over, the part that had to forge a shell over me for the last ten years to survive in the hostile world that is Thedas. It makes me straighten up and gives me the courage to finally take a relatively relaxed look at the people in the room. 

Three of the most important people of the inquisition are facing me, Commander Rutherford has his hands on the war table, the master spy and the ambassador are on either side of him. They must have been absorbed in discussions about the future movement of their troops since the commander still had a pawn in his hand ready to be placed on the map. He nodded his head at me, cleared his throat, and looked away to conscientiously place his pawn on a specific spot of the map. 

"We should be able to bring back new mounts in a week or two," Cullen concluded. 

"Perfect." Answered Josephine while taking notes. "I think we're done for this morning's meeting," she finished as Cassandra walked into the room behind me. 

"You're right, we shouldn't keep Sister Iris waiting any longer," said Cullen, turning his attention back to me. 

"Oh please, you don’t have don't call me a sister anymore. I have not been officially affiliated with the Chantry for two years now. " I say to him with an embarrassed look, " You can call me Iris, or Berry if you want to follow in Mister Tethras's footsteps. "

Cullen looked surprised and then blushed, "Ah, my apologies, I wasn't aware of that. Of course Madam Iris." Leliana gave him a mocking smile before addressing me. 

"I hope that your journey wasn't too arduous. In the name of the Inquisition, we welcome you to Haven." 

"I'm sorry we didn't welcome you when you arrived. "continued Josephine." We're not short of work at the moment, as you can see." With a slight nod, she showed me the command table with lots of pawns scattered around and some scrolls and letters ready to be signed.

"Don't worry, we arrived much later than the herald with the rest of the troops during the night before yesterday," I replied reassuringly, "That gave me time to set up all my things and get some rest. It's been a long time since I've seen so much snow though, I think that despite the cold I will try to sketch the landscape outside when I have the time." I say, rubbing my hands and trying not to stare too much at the people in front of me. 

"The sky is beautiful at this time of day, it's really inspiring," I finished as I ended up smiling. 

Josephine laughed heartily "I'm glad you like it, if you're missing some material, you can make me a list and I'll make sure to order what you need for the next furniture delivery". 

"Thank you very much " I thanked her by tilting my head in her direction.

"Well, let's cut the curtsies short, shall we?" Leliana said in a firm tone. "You're probably wondering why we brought you here." 

"Umm... eu... to paint?"I replied nervously, recalling the conversation I had with Cassandra earlier. 

"Yes, among other things, that's what was agreed on before we brought you to Haven after all. But that's not all."

Leliana smiles coldly and turns around to remove a sheet covering a huge painting behind her. I recognized it at once because it was the starting point of countless works that I painted to show my support to the minorities of Thedas. It was two years ago when I left the Chantry.

"But... I thought I had left it in Orlais? "I said in astonishment in front of my painting. 

"I have my ways," she continued, placing her hand on the modest wooden frame that surrounded my painting. 

"Let's cut to the point, what do you know about the herald and the breach? This painting was created long before the Conclave was put into place, how did you know what was going to happen?"Leliana now had a hard and serious look on her face. This kind of look was not to be taken lightly from the spymaster.

I look at her, confused, not knowing what to say.

" Well? " she insisted, raising her voice.

"I ... I ... but what does it have to do with the Conclave or the Breach? I don't understand..." I looked at Josephine and Commander Cullen seeking a reassuring face among them, but they too tried to appear neutral. Only a few wrinkles betrayed their discomfort, especially from Cullen's part. 

"I really appreciate you, Iris, so don't play dumb with us," Leliana says to me in a threatening tone. Josephine and Cullen seemed increasingly uncomfortable around her.

Seeing my eyes still confused and panicked, Josephine added "But, haven't you seen the herald?". 

"No! I already told you that I arrived here after him with the rest of the troops! " I respond louder than she does to avoid letting myself be overwhelmed by fear.

A door slamming behind me makes us all turn around. It was a tired elf in a leather uniform who had just closed the door. He is leaning down, his hands on his knees,trying to catch his breath. 

"Sorry I'm late," he says between breathings. After a short moment, he stands up and looks at me, and my eyes widen. 

This elf was the spitting image of the character in my painting. More masculine for sure but it still remained uncanny. 

"Oh mon dieu..." I let escape in a whisper. 

"Oh maker indeed," continued Leliana, also looking at the herald. He take a look at us one after the other, confused.

"Err ... hello, what is going on? " he asked with an embarrassed laugh. 

"But it's a man! "I said, forgetting my embarrassment, I now pointed him out with my hand, completely ignoring his question. 

"Excuse me," continued the herald, "but I'm actually an elf and..."

"Doesn't matter." Leliana answered me by cutting him off, "It's far too similar to be a coincidence." 

" So what?! I still don't see the connection with the Conclave!" I was now staring at Leliana, my heart was beating a hundred miles an hour and I really wanted to understand what was going on. 

"Mahanon, show her your hand," Leliana said, not taking her eyes off me.

"Could someone please explain to me what's going on before I show anything- Ouch!”

Before he had a chance to finish, Cassandra grunted and grabbed his hand firmly and raised it up to me. The hand emitted a slight green flash right in front of my face and I screamed a little before taking a few steps back. It was exactly the same green glow that I had portrayed on the elf's hand that I pictured on my canvas. Was it the hand that closed the rifts that were all across Thedas right now ? 

"Hey, that hurts! "Mahanon blamed Cassandra as he took his hand back and massaged his mark with his right hand.

"Sorry," Cassandra replied, embarrassed, "But the conversation wouldn't have gone any further otherwise."

As I had my hand upon my heart and was questioning my entire existence, the elf looked at me again. 

"And to what do I owe the honor of showing my shiny hand to this charming woman whom I don't know? “ 

Cassandra sighed again and turned Mahanon towards my painting. 

He looked at it with curiosity "Well, you've been busy! Even if I don't know where you got the idea to put a pair of breasts on my..."

Leliana cut him off, " That woman painted you..." 

"Oh! Splendid, it still doesn't explain the b... ! "continued the elf before being cut again.

"Two years ago," finished the master spy. 

"Oh!" then there was a moment of blankness, "Wait what?!" he exclaimed before turning to Leliana.

"You know, there' s no need to lie to us. The inquisition is not going to hurt you! " Cullen went on as he tried to calm the debate.

" Do you think I have the reaction of someone who's hiding something from you? "I said, my hand still resting on my heart. "I do not even understand what is going on. “ 

"I heard that in Rivain there were women mages who could predict the future. You come from there?" asked the herald.

I had a strangled laugh. " Do I look like I came from Rivain? "I asked as I looked at the long wavy blond hair falling from my face and my hand, which was as pale as a corpse in such cold weather. 

"Or, you're from an Avvar tribe, maybe ?" Tried to guess the elf.

" Neither. And I'm not even a mage," I said as I felt the tension rise in the room.

A heavy silence fell in the room, I sighed and took my head in my hands. My anxiety was building up and I was starting to get a serious headache. Cassandra put her hand gently on my shoulder, trying to reassure me. 

"Do you have any recollection on why you decided to paint this picture? "she asked me sympathetically.

I said no to her with my head, "How could I remember, it was two years ago. And if you haven't already noticed, I paint a lot," I said with a bitter laugh. I paused to think and then resumed "It's work that I did to pass the time. When I paint for recreation I often draw from my imagination or my dreams, that's where I find most of my ideas for my drawings. It was only afterward that I used this painting as an inspiration to start a series of other works that speaks about elf rights."

"In dreams you say? " Mahanon asked, "So you could be a somniari then! They are are mages who..." 

But I stop him right away, look at him straight in the face, and say" Still not a mage! “ 

"Alright, alright ... not a mage," he nodded and raised his hands in the air, admitting defeat. 

"So, what now? "I asked anxiously to the people in the room. "If you want me to do more prophetic painting, I don't think that's a good idea. Plus ,I'm not even precise, look I didn't even get the sex right on this one," I replied, pointing at my painting with my finger.

Cullen snorted at that, then cleared his throat, embarrassed, " Um, my apologies."

"You know, Iris, there's a lot of mysterious things about you," Leliana began. "You started from nothing, and then all of a sudden you won the favor of the Chantry and the Court of Orlais with your extraordinary talent for painting."I looked at my shoes,not knowing how to respond, and she continued.

"You illustrated an incommensurable number of books, painted for some of Thedas' greatest dignitaries. And yet none of your rivals were able to tarnish your reputation and convince the Chantry to stop supporting you. Even after your departure, Divine Justinia continued to assign you a close guard to reward you for your good and loyal service to the Chantry." 

"And I will be eternally grateful to her for that," I replied weakly, my eyes still fixed on the ground. My gaze was now clouded with tears at the memory of the Divine and all the other persons who died in the Conclave. But I was trying to remain calm in this situation, after all the years I had been here, I was planning to keep most of my secrets buried in my grave.

Noticing that my facade was crumbling up, Josephine put her hand on the arm of the former sister and asked her in a serious tone. "Where are you going with this, Leliana?"

Leliana laughed coldly and squinted as she turned to me, "You're a blank page Iris, I'm not the only one who's done research on you. When you started to become popular, a lot of people looked into your past to find your weak spots. "I flinched at her last words, but she didn't pay much attention to that and went on.

  
  


"But nothing prior to your arrival in the Denerim Chantry was found. At the time you were thought to come from a good family who were executed like the Couslands and many others were during the Blight. But you do not appear in any register and no one knows you from before the Blight. For many years I and many people have disregarded those details". 

"After all you were just a painter, a very good painter indeed, but when we saw that you were not participating in any court game or any scheming whatsoever, we left you alone."

She then pointed her finger viciously at my painting. 

"But this painting, it changes everything! It doesn't matter how you managed to make it, or if it was really prophetic. Many people have seen this painting and will deduce from it, deduce what you are capable of doing. From now on you are as much a danger to yourself as to others and the inquisition. " she finishes in an accusing tone.

Looking into her eyes, I no longer recognized the Leliana of my time in the Chantry, who was so kind to me when she was just a simple sister traveling alongside the hero of Ferelden. Or how she addressed me with respect and kindness when she had been announced at the side of the divine. This Leliana was now replaced by a cold and calculating woman.

My hands were shaking so much now that the rest of my body was taking on nervous spasms. I could feel Cassandra's hand tightening on my shoulder as if holding me in place would prevent me from completely cracking. Mahanon, seeing that the situation was getting out of hand, intervened. 

"In that case, we must protect her, not threaten her! Come on Leliana, don't you see how petrified she looks?" he turned to Cullen and Josephine. "And you people, say something, damn it!" 

Cullen stood up and winced, "We had to be sure that we could trust her before we could put her under our protection. We had to be sure," he said in a tone that is less convincing than his own words. My lips trembled when I finally dared to raise my head to stare at the commander.

"So, this is all a test then," I asked, trying to keep my voice from breaking. "I hope it's all over soon then because I'm not going to put up with this nonsense much longer," I say with my eyes closed. "I'm not a spy, nor a soldier and I'm not made to endure this kind of interrogation," I said, articulating each word."My life before joining the Chantry is my own business, I don't talk about it for a reason; it's because I have nothing left of that life, nothing at all. 

  
  


But my voice broke on the last syllable. I took the courage to open my eyes to face Leliana this time. Tears were now streaming down my cheeks, but I tried to hold her gaze as firmly as I could. The spy had stirred up old wounds and I was going to make her understand that I was not thrilled to relive those memories.

Leliana's face only slightly softened, it was such a slight change that only someone close to her like Josephine could notice it. Cullen now seemed to regret his words and stared at the ground, not knowing what to say. 

"I think we should leave it at that," Mahanon said as he stood in front of me, " I doubt that she is a threat to the Inquisition, and if she still wants to stay after what we subjected her to, we have to make sure that she is protected," he said in a determined tone. 

Leliana relaxed and sighed, closing her eyes for a moment, "Alright," she paused briefly and then continued, "Are we then in agreement to keep Madam Iris as a protected member of the Inquisition? "Nods and affirmations echoed throughout the room in response. 

She looked at me and said, "Officially you will be in charge of making portraits of important members of the Inquisition, but your priority, for now, will be to illustrate all official documents that require an illustration or posters that call for enlistment in our armies. For your protection and ours, several of my spies will be assigned to you to ensure that nothing happens to you." 

When she saw my scowl she added, "Don't worry, they know how to be discreet, you won't even notice the difference." 

"I guess that it's been a while since I've been spied on anyway, right?" I said helplessly. 

Leliana smiled less coldly at me this time and continued, "You will also have to hand over to us all the works you produce in your spare time for them to be analyzed."

"Leliana!" retorted Mahanon.

  
  


"I hope you are joking! All it's going to do is to make me sick of drawing, and I'm not going to be able to hold a brush in my hands anymore! "I replied in disdain. 

"Believe me, it would help us if it was the case, at least we wouldn't have any evidence to protect," she said, keeping her smile on her face. I was staring at a mark on the wall and cursed: "Even if I draw something prophetic again, we'll only know it when it is passed". 

"You can never be too careful." Leliana looked at me for a moment before asking, "So, are we in an agreement? “ 

"Do I really have a choice? "I said bitterly, wiping away my tears. At these words, Mahanon winced, recalling the similar experience he had with the master spy not so long ago. You could see the guilt of drawing on Cullen, Cassandra, and Josephine's faces. Maybe things could have gone more peacefully. But you can never be too careful, and it's probably this kind of thought that the other leading members of the inquisition are clinging to in order to regain their composure. 

Without another word, Leliana extended her hand, as if to ask for a silent truce between the two of us. After a moment of hesitation, I held it weakly. Mahanon then addressed me: 

"Iris, rest assured that we will do everything in our power to ensure that nothing bad happens to you and..."

"Oh, I'm sure you will,oh herald of Andraste." I replied briefly, looking into the void, "May I take my leave now?"

"O..of course! We thank you for your cooperation, Madam Iris. "Josephine said softly as if she was talking to a frightened kitten.

"If you have an errand for me, please bring it to my cabin, I'd like to be alone for a while," I said, gathering what was left of my pride. 

"Of course, we'll do that." Josephine nodded again with a tense smile and quickly noted the instructions with an agitated hand. 

I put Cassandra's hand aside and said to her, "You were wrong earlier, what I have is not a gift, it's a curse." And before she had time to answer me, I stormed out of the room and slammed the door. 

\---

Cassandra was about to follow her but Cullen held her back and shook his head in protest, " It' s better to leave her alone right now. 

"And whose fault is that?! "Mahanon replied angrily, "It's not the first time you've done this. How many other innocent people have been threatened for the sake of this inquisition? ”

Guilt was now showing itself clearly on Josephine and Cullen's faces. And Cassandra groaned behind them as she tapped the wall with the back of her foot. 

"As many people as it will be necessary," Leliana replied in a neutral tone, she took full responsibility for what had just happened. It was her job and she had still found herself rather clement towards the painter. 

This did not stop Mahanon from judging the master spy with a disdainful wave of the head. Following this, a new, uncomfortable silence settled in. Until someone addressed them at the entrance of the war room, it was Varric who addressed them with a questioning voice. 

" Say, I just saw Berry run through the camp at full speed to get to her cabin and... she had red eyes and was as pale as a dead person. I've never seen her like that, what just happened?" 

Mahanon gave Leliana a glare, and Cullen sat down and sighed. It was going to be a hard thing to explain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow , it's 1 am , but yeah , I'm done. And I feel great ! Still trying to figure out who I want Berry to romance , if you have any suggestion to who could match up well with her , I'm all ears ! He or she could be from any games , it does not bother me. I have my preferences of course but they are only preferences and it's not garanted that they would match up well , but we will see !
> 
> Good night everyone , and please be safe in thoses dark times !


	4. Secrets in the night.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our heroine is trying to find her place in the inquisition, but it's not always easy to do that when her emotions takes over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I confess, I didn't expect this chapter to be so long. But here it is! I think it still has a few errors here and there but I will edit them as I proofread this chapter a few times during the following days of posting this chapter. 
> 
> I hope you'll like the chapter, the beginning may be very difficult for some of you to read since it is quite emotional. But as I said at the beginning of this fanfiction, writing these chapters is a kind of therapy for me, but I hope that despite this you will be able to appreciate it !

It was just when I slammed the door of my cabin that I let my emotions completely overwhelm me. They come out of my lips in little hiccups, they trickle out of my eyes and make my limbs tremble. My confident pace quickly turns into a weak walk towards my bed on which I curl down in an almost automatic gesture. 

It is not out of sadness that I cry. I am frustrated that I did not stand strong in front of the master spy. I'm afraid of the situation I'm in, that I no longer feel like I am in control of my own life. I am ashamed that I ran away from the war room like a thief, when I had done nothing wrong. 

I have always liked to think that it is my sensibility that makes my strength. That it helps me keep my feet on the ground and stay in touch with my family and friends. That it is thanks to them that I have been able to draw, write, sing, and do whatever else that could be admired at a court like the ones in Orlais.

But on days like this, I realize that it's just a facade. When I paint, it's to pour out the excess of emotions that are bubbling inside me. I am like a time bomb, and the canvas is my countdown, that I wind up day after day, year after year. I paint on it to keep moving forward, not to explode. 

I raise my head and look at the supplies next to my desk. Some of them are unpacked and nicely arranged on shelves, ready to be used and turned upside down as any artist would do. Others are still in wooden crates, still new and ready to be discovered, and opened like a child opens his Christmas present. I feel automatically pushed towards them.

As soon as I think of reaching out even to them with my hand, I immediately withdraw it. I clench my fists until I feel my short nails marking the palms of my hands until they hurt. 

Suddenly, I remember Leliana's last sentences, now all the things that I was going to do would belong to the inquisition. Everything was going to be scrutinized in every detail to find some prophetic meaning. I was like that bird that China’s Emperor had put in a cage in one of the tales that my grandmother used to tell me when I was little, except that now it was the Nightingale herself that held me prisoner, how ironic. 

I take deep breaths and try to calm down, but they are almost always interrupted by sudden rattles. It's the kind of sound that comes out of your mouth on its own, without being able to stop. They ripple out in a low tone, it’s the kind of sound that you only let out when no one is looking. 

The rational part of my being, the one that has helped me through all these years, tries to keep me in check several times. I can almost hear it screaming.

_"Stop crying, you're being fed, housed, cleaned, and healthy, what more do you want?!"_

She is like a worried parent, who does not understand her child, but who, like a shadow, tries to protect me and solve all my problems with a single magic sentence, without knowing that it is useless. 

_"You have no right to complain"_ , she tells me. 

_"You shouldn't show your weaknesses in front of others,"_ she tells me.

_"So many people died in the Conclave, you could have been among them, and you should be happy that it wasn't the case,"_ she tells me.

But I stop listening to the voice. I know that it's not good to leave all of this inside me. 

I let myself sob, and I feel a weight coming off my shoulders. I let myself go silently, breathing at the top of my lungs until I have no more tears to shed. Until Varric stops knocking at my door asking me to let him in. 

At that point, all shame of being selfish was gone, all that was left was the sound of my breathing calming down as the day fell. 

I now feel incredibly tired, but in spite of that, all I do is rub my eyes before getting out of the corner of the bed in which I had taken refuge. I sit at the desk beside it. I light a candle and put it in a corner where it won't burn anything. And I begin to pull out of one the sealed boxes an old pile sketchbooks that I had decided to take to Haven with me. 

As I look at the charcoal scribbled pages, I think back to some of my memories, some filled with fear and misunderstanding, when I was still wondering why I had come to Thedas. Where I only had the Chantry and its Canticles to prevent me from falling. 

As I scroll through my sketches, the drawings that I can see become more and more rough, they are memories of a time where I had a much less refined technique. But they are still recognizable and dripping of the emotions that I always try to evacuate. My hand stops on the first drawings that I made when I arrived in Thedas. A faint but sincere smile appears on my lips. These drawings were the first signs of hope that I had when I was still trying to find my place here…

\---

_I still remember it so clearly in my head._

_After spending several months with the sisters, a routine had irremediably set in. My heart could no longer hold still and could no longer endure the monotony. It would turn around and think of my life as it was before, where all I could think about was holding a pen and a tablet in my hands._

_At first, it had started with branches that I picked up not far from Denerim’s market. I had to look very strange in the eyes of passers-by, looking at the slightest pieces of wood that stood in my path, and then pick them up like treasures._

_I remember how many cuts I had made on my hands, in an effort to sharpen them at first like pencils, only to see them crumble into dust because I had left them burning in the fireplace for too long._

_I remember the soot on my cheeks and hands, which I tried with difficulty to wipe off as I searched late at night at the embers for pieces that I could use. All of this, hidden from the curious and inquiring eyes of the sisters._

_It was a way to take back one tiny part of my life. I was so happy when I finally managed to get a decent charcoal, it felt like a breath of fresh air that was welcomed after so many months of questioning and uncertainty._

_Without thinking, I stole a piece of parchment from Sister Theohild and went to work, my pencil strokes were awkward at first, but full of energy. Like those of a child before they begin to question their whole existence._

_At that time, I was just happy to be able to draw. In the middle of the night, what I laid flat on those scrolls belonged entirely to me. They were my secrets in the night, when all the sisters were asleep. I would draw everything that was in my eyesight: from the statue of Andraste to the first letters of the Canticle of Light, yearning to capture in my mind the surroundings that had taken me under their wing for so many months._

_And like a child who doesn't see time passing, I continued to draw until dawn decided to rise and Mother Perpetua caught me crouching on the floor with my hands full of soot yet again._

_Of course, she gave me the usual sermon on good manners .She reprimanded me for the few sheets of paper taken from Sister Thoehild, and for the pitiful state in which I had put my nightgown upon._

_But instead of an accusing look and a confiscation, or worse: a tearing of my brand new works, I was surprised to see kindness on the revered mother’s face._

_She was the first person to see some potential in me. She told me that the Creator had given me a gift, and that she was not there to judge how I showed my faith in Him._

_It was her idea to have me copy and illustrate the Canticles of light._

_"The illumination and writing of the Canticle," she used to say, "is a tradition that is being lost now that the mages of the circle and the printing press can duplicate our books as fast as a bird's flight to Orlais. I offer you to preserve this heritage within our Chantry, in Denerim. As many of our sisters did in the past."_

_It wasn't easy in the beginning, I often got confused with the ink and quills, but each day that ended was a small victory, a new step towards the life I was building for myself._

_\---_

  
  


I retrace those same sketches now worn out and damaged by the passage of time, closing my eyes and frowning as I think of the words of the Revered Mother. Perpetua was one of the many victims of the Conclave, and it was hard to think of her now without feeling grief. 

In spite of the many attempts that I have made to try and forget the conversation that I had with Leliana earlier in the day. Her words kept coming back to me. I look at the pile of sketches I had accumulated through the years and wonder if they, too, no longer belong to me anymore? If these memories of moments spent building a new life would also be combed through, without any respect for what they represented for me? 

With a decided look, I get up from the desk and detached with a firm but careful attention the many pages that my leather notebooks had accumulated over the years. I approach the fire, holding them against my heart, and after a great deep breath, I threw them into the weakening flames of the fireplace. 

The flames, which are brought to life again thanks to my drawings, twirl as the pages disappear into them. Some pieces of burnt paper fly away until they touched my cheeks, reddened by tears. I will not let Sister Nightingale or the Inquisition see this part of me, these drawings will remain mine and mine alone. Like those first secrets that I drew while the Chantry was asleep. Now they will remain mine. For all eternity. 

\---

I did not leave my cabin for the entire week following my interaction with the founding members of the Inquisition. Seeing that I was not willing to interact with the outside world, guards and servants were assigned to deliver my meals and clear what needed to be cleaned out of my cabin, in addition to delivering and receiving my commissions for the inquisition. 

The commissions I was asked to deliver were, in fact, very basic. Sometimes I had to illustrate requests made to noblemen to make them more appealing and to push them to support the closing of the breach. Other times, it consisted of illuminating official declarations that would then be reproduced and sent to their numerous camps. 

Each time I received a new request, I would say precisely at what time it would be ready during the day, and without fail, an agent would come back at the indicated time to collect his dues. And without fail, he would ask if I hadn't done any new work in my free time and would make a round in my little cabin to check that I hadn't lied.

What he didn't know was that I had started drawing again to get rid of my anxiety. And that I, unfortunately for him, got into the habit of throwing every piece of work that I finished into the fire. It sounded stupid explained like that, but this little ritual, as secret and painful as it was, gave me a semblance of freedom and control that I desperately needed. And I wasn't about to stop.

After a long day of boring errands, I was calmly getting ready to draw a new picture on my bed. Today I'm taking it all out, I’m doing a caricature of Leliana. Caricature may not be the right word, I don't like to make someone's features larger, it's not my style. On my sheet of paper, her face looks eviscerated by time, wrinkles are scattered across her skin. You'd think she succumbed to darkspawn blood, but if you think of pop culture in my own world, you'd think she was an old witch like we used to see at Halloween. All that was missing was an iconic pointy hat. 

Just as I was thinking of the best place to put a wart on her, a noise distracted me. It's actually quite recognizable to those who know how to listen. It's a light sound of legs intertwining one after the other in a pattern that personally gives me the creeps. After a shiver of dread, I decide to bravely raise my head in the direction of the noise that has just stopped.

My body completely freezes and my eyes stare at my very dear friend with 8 legs who seem to observe me silently in return.

I don't shout: " _What if she jumps in my mouth, what if I do that?_ " "cries the totally dumb part that resides in my brain, which is also starting to panic. 

I then completely forget about my drawing and gently get up in order to keep her from moving, and after putting on a suitable distance between her and me, I let out a throaty scream from my mouth, the kind of scream that comes more from young men with their voice in full transformation than from young women in distress. 

Unsurprisingly, one of Cullen's guards, who was probably making his rounds over there, stormed into the cabin. He looked at me and then glanced into the cabin in panic and said, "What's going on?!". 

I then pointed back at the spider that was fleeing under my bed as a result of the commotion that the soldier had caused with his loud entrance. He lets out a relieved sigh from his lips and turns back to me puzzled

" Awwww, but it's just a tiny bitsy spider. You scared me, I thought you were in life-threatening danger. “ 

" Yes, I was almost scared to death! " I shouted in an authoritative tone that I didn't recognize myself. "If you think that you're going to get away without killing that thing and all the other things lurking around my cabin, you're just kidding yourself! "I continued, putting on my coat in a frenzied gesture. 

"But … I..."said the guard, staring at my silhouette and then underside of my bed in turns. 

" But ! What are you waiting for?! Kill it ! " I raise my voice with an even sharper tone and quickly put boots on my feet." The soldier was speechless for a few seconds, " Where are you going ?" he asked me as he watched me leave the cabin. 

"You think I'm going to watch you do that? No no no, I'm going to get some fresh air in town, far away from here, while you exterminate this thing and all the other filthy things that are around this cabin. I'll never be able to close my eyes otherwise." I finished, taking a second step outside while tightening the belt on my coat. 

"But..." He didn't have time to retaliate before I slammed the door in his face and started walking very quickly to Haven’s gate. The sun was already starting to set, and there were only a few soldiers and Templars left who were quietly training next to the entrance on their training dummies. They glanced at me curiously before they began to mechanically tap on their dummies again. 

I quickly passed the gate and arrived in the center of Haven, I did not have the time to get used to the surroundings yet, so I decided to walk aimlessly among the tents and camp sites while ignoring the glances that were thrown in my direction. I continue walking between the tents when I hear someone calling out to me. 

" Well, Berry! Finally back among the living? I was beginning to worry!" I turned my head towards the red-haired dwarf who had spoken to me. A slight smile appeared on my face, I was still embarrassed that I had ignored him this week when he came to check up on me. I wanted to be alone and had left him knocking on the door quite a few times without answering him at all.

Varric looks worried but relieved. He looks up and down at me and then raises his eyebrows, amused, "It's the first time I've seen you dressed like that Berry, you just got up?" he finishes with a wink of his eye.

I then realize that I was in a nightgown, with only my coat and my old boots as protection from the cold. I also hadn't brushed my hair for a while. By now, it must look like a lovely bird's nest. It wasn't in my habits to show myself like this in front of other people. Suddenly I understood why everyone was looking at me so strangely outside. I blushed and looked away. "Ah uh, no, that's... I just wanted to get some air, that's all."

Varric lets out a little laugh. "I thought that you were never gonna come out." He patted me on the hand and said, "It's not good to stay inside for that long, you know." 

"Yes ... yes, I know," I replied, appreciating the little token of affection Varric gave me. As if to reassure me that he didn't blame me in any way for my behavior this past week. 

"Ah, but let's not stay here! You're going to catch a cold staying outside like that. Let's go to the tavern, I am paying" he said while dragging me with him. 

"There's no need, Varric, I can pay..." But he cut me off before I could finish. 

"Come on, Berry, don't push me awway! Enjoy it before I change my mind," he said with a smile. Varric's smiles have always had a way of making me feel better. So I stopped arguing and patiently followed the dwarf to the tavern. 

\---

I was now seated at a table with Varric and a blonde elf named Sera. She had been with us from the moment she saw us enter the tavern. Apparently, she had been recruited into the inquisition at the same time as I in Orlais. She was one of the famous "Friends of Red Jenny".

I had vaguely heard of their organisation but had never met one of them. And from what I heard, some of the paintings I had created had a certain success with the little people. It was good... to know? 

"Still, that's a really creepy painting of the herald right there. Sure, the breast adition is pretty funny, but the rest of it is so similar, that’s creepy," she says with a face and takes another sip of her beer.

"Yes, by the way..." Varric added, "I'm sorry about what happened with Leliana, if I had known what was going to happen, I would have gone with you and tried to stop it. After the unspeakable amount of time I spent being interrogated by our seeker, I'm in a good position to know how it feels. Even if I imagine that with Leliana, it must be on a whole other level."

He looked at me with a sincerely apologetic look on his face and I tried to reassure him with a nod of the head. 

"Don't blame yourself, it's not your fault." I paused briefly before resuming "No, what annoys me is that... This painting could just be a coincidence, you know? I've drawn so many people, it's normal that one day I'll end up painting a picture that looks a lot like somebody without doing it on purpose, right?" 

Sera replied immediately "Are you kidding? That's the herald, init? Even the weapon in his hand is the same! I saw him swing that axe the night he recruited me. With his shiny hand there ..." 

"Yes, yes... all right, I understand," I say with a dumbfounded look. "Forget what I just said." So even the weapon is identical? A knot forms in the pit of my abdomen. How could I have guessed and painted such a thing? 

I catch Varric's eye, and, apparently guessing my silent question,he says, "You know, Berry, that' s not the first time you've done this." He seemed to weigh his words in his head before continuing, "Anyway, you've done things like this before, even if it wasn't in your drawings. “ 

"Ah..." I let out of my mouth with a mitigated expression. 

"When I think back on it now. You've got some pretty good hunches about dangerous things. Remember Blondie? "He asks me, his face a little tense. 

I slowly nodded, seeing what he was getting to.

"Well, when the whole gang met with you for the first time at the Hanged Man, I was convinced that you would get along well with him. That you were going to talk about your shared passion for cats or some other silly things like that."

His face darkened, "But in the end, after he introduced himself,you never said anything more than hello to him! 

At first, some people like Fenris thought that you looked at him with fear because he was a mage, but it didn't make any sense! You were getting on just fine with Daisy , and she used blood magic ! We ended up thinking that it may be because you felt the presence of Justice in him that you couldn't stand him. So after that, we didn't really discuss it anymore. Well, that was until he destroyed the Chantry... “ 

I sigh and close my eyes. He was right. I had always avoided Anders like the plague. Something about him bothered me deeply, but I didn't know what, so I had stayed as far away from him as much as possible when I was in Kirkwall to avoid offending anyone. 

"Then there's this story with the lyrium idol too," Varric continued. "When nobody knew what its effects were yet, you come into my house, and you yell at me to throw it out of..."

"Yes, yes, I get it... okay... I have weird intuitions... and I really don't know why." 

Sera looked at me with a frown and whispered "Creepyyyyy" in a low voice, while Varric patted me on the back with sympathy.

"I know you don't like being cornered like this, but believe me it's better for you to be here than in Orlais," Varric said to me in a soft tone. 

"Yeah ... I guess you're right..." I said, looking down at my almost empty bowl of stew with an unhappy look on my face.

" For sure, right now, you would have been eaten alive in that workshop of yours! Say, it wouldn't hurt to have a dagger on the side in case there's a fart through your defense.But I imagine that Leliana's little birdies already have an eye on you. "Sera says to me with a pensive look as she finishes her beer.

I give him a tight smile "Yeah sure, when I can barely stand to feel my hand tearing apart a nug for dinner. A dagger will definitely help me... “ 

Sera gives me a slap on the back that makes me tip over forward in my chair. "Rhahhh ! Listen to me, daggers are good ! You don't need to hold them in your hand, you can just throw them and then, poof! No more problems! It's a bit like darts in the end !" she says to me with an encouraging smile, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

"Yeah..." I looked at her, still a little unconvinced. 

" You'll see, it's not complicated! "Sera stood up laughing and took my arm to get me off my stool. But I quickly stop her. 

"Hey hey hey hey, what are you doing? "I ask her with wide-open eyes. 

" Well I' m going to show you how to throw daggers," she says to me while Varric observes us with amused eyes.

"Wait ... isn't it a little late for that? And aren't you only good at the bow? And not with daggers?" I tell her, starting to panic a little. 

"Shoot ! How do you know about that!" Sera scowls again "Fucking creepy shit ...what the..." she continues whispering, turning her head in the opposite direction. I sigh as I sit back down. 

It really came out of nowhere. For me, Sera was only good at archery. No one had pointed that out to me before, I hadn't seen her before, it was literally the first conversation I had with her. But this information was obvious in my head, I couldn't visualize her with anything but a bow.

It seemed so strange, it was just a tiny detail after all. But now it's starting to add up a little too much for my own liking. 

As I continued to brood over my thoughts I heard Sera behind me cheerfully addressing someone who had just entered the tavern.

"So how is your highness herald doing on this cold winter's night? "she asks in a teasing tone.

"Oh, you know, nothing new. Still have a glowing hand." I can hear a male voice answering her.

Sera giggled nonchalantly, then sat down again next to me, with Mahanon sitting across from me at the table. He smiled at me. 

"Glad to see that you've joined us, Madame Iris." I smiled faintly at him as well." I'm sorry again for what happened a few days ago... " he continued, embarrassed. "I wish I had intervened more..." 

"No, no, it's okay." I stop it with a wave of my hand. "You're the only one who retorted, you have nothing to blame yourself for." 

"Let's not talk about it anymore then," replied the young elf, nodding his head. He looked thoughtful, then his eyes widened and he smiled at me in a teasing way. I gave him a questioning look.

"I just remembered, I passed by one of Cullen's soldiers on the way here and..." He took a meaningful pause and I turn slightly pale. Upon seeing my expression, Sera and Varric focused their full attention on Mahanon, encouraging him to continue.

"He told me that all threats have been eliminated and that you can now go back to your cabin," he finishes his speech with an ironic salute. 

"Ha... good" I replied with a relieved look on my face. What a good boy, he hadn't gone into details, that was for the best. 

Mahanon smiled even more. "That reminds me... We have to recruit a certain Iron Bull in the Storm Coast. Do you want to come with us? I heard that there are a lot of giant spiders there."

I shouted at this statement, in front of Varric and Sera's laughing faces, but Mahanon continued.

"I'm sure that if you take a little trip with us to the caves on the coast, you won't have any more problems with invasions that you might have in your cabin." He laughed as I kept hitting his arm with the palm of my hand. 

Varric burst out laughing "So that's why you went out in that outfit Berry?! Now it all makes sense! "he exclaimed, holding on to his abdomen. 

"Hey! It's not funny! I can't stand that stuff! "I look at each of them in turn with a pouting expression. "I'd rather be interrogated by Leliana all for a whole week than be in the same room with one of those things." I end up retorting with crossed arms and eyebrows frowning. 

"Oh yeah...." Sera said while trying to stop giggling, "That's how bad this is," she then put her hand on my shoulder.

"Come on, tomorrow we'll train you to throw daggers," she said cheerfully.

"Who's we?! "I started to panic again, since I doubted Sera's ability to teach me anything about daggers.

"We, me, same thing." She answers me by slightly tossing her head up and down, she'd probably drunk too much beer and now she was laughing at anything for no reason.

"Ha, maybe not tomorrow Sera." Laughs the herald. " You're gonna come with me to the Storm Coast, that's why I came to see you in the first place." 

The archer's nose twitches "Shit...Don't like those itchy freaking spiders either, and rain too..." She got a shiver and then continued "Okay, but when I return, you won't miss on these daggers lessons." she concluded while pointed at me. 

"Alright," I said, raising my hands as if I'd been caught in a hold up in front of Varric's still laughing eyes. I then rose with resignation.

" Well, I'd better go back now that the way's cleared up" Mahanon chuckled at that. " And I think I've had my quota of human, well, non-human interaction, well, you know what I mean. " I finished while a waitress picked up my bowl.

Varric gets up too, "Wait, I'll take you there." I don't dare to stop him, without him I would probably get lost between the tents, now that it's dark.

Mahanon nodded his head, "Good night, Madam Iris." 

"Just Iris, please. "I automatically answered him. The herald was one of the first people here to be friendly with me, I deserve that, at least.

"Well, Iris, I'll see you after we get back from the Storm Coast." 

"Bye-bye, Berry, don't let baby spiders bite your feet!"Sera shouts to me, laughing. 

I made a wry smile and then grumbled a "Yeah, yeah..." before going out with my dwarf friend. 

We walked silently in the snow towards my cabin.We were walking out of the main gate and warm air was coming out of Varric's mouth as he was about to speak.

"I'm glad that you came outside today, even if it wasn't your intention in the first place." He turned his eyes to me. But I didn't respond, not knowing what to say, so he continued.

"I know that sometimes you can't stand being with so many people at the same time. It was already like that in Kirkwall." 

"Yes, but it's better now. Over the years you get to know your limits better and I'm much less anxious about these things. "I answer him as we arrive at the door of my cabin. 

"I'm glad to hear that, Berry," he said with a last smile. He tapped my hand as he usually does. "I'm not leaving with the herald tomorrow, so if you need a friend or just want to have lunch with someone, I'm here." 

I blink my eyes to prevent them from overflowing with tears. This dwarf really has his heart on his sleeve, if it's for him, then I'm going to try to do my best to fit in here. 

"Thank you Varric, that touches me a lot" I smile at him, with my eyes still bright. 

" Of course,don’t worry about it.Have a good night. And if you meet one of your 8-legged friends again you'll just have to sleep with Sera, I think she likes you." 

I mumble a "Yes, yes of course, good night to you too..." with a laugh and close the door. 

I turn my head and take a look inside my cabin. I squint for a moment to check that there are no abnormalities in sight. Then after searching at least 5 times under my desk or bed to make sure that any threat was gone, I collapsed into my bed with a sigh of relief. 

I glanced lazily towards the fireplace, which still has quite a lot of flames. It must have been one of the servants who changed the logs, I can't imagine one of the agents in Leliana doing it, but well, you never know. 

My eyes widen, and I begin to search frantically around me. 

"Damn, Leliana's agents! "I feel up my blankets and even move my bed to see if my drawing hasn't gotten between its structure and the wall.

"Shit! "I swear before lying down again, disappointed. After my breathing calms down, I resign myself to the fact that this drawing is in the hands of the spy master now. 

"Well, keep it! I hope you appreciate how much I disfigured your pretty little face, Leliana." I'm saying out loud more for myself than anyone else's attention. 

\---

Not so far from there, in the war room while Iris was dozing off. Josephine was looking attentively at a piece of parchment that Leliana's agent had handed her. 

"Well, she hasn't lost track, I don't think she'll forgive you any time soon, Leliana," said the ambassador as she passed the piece of parchment to Cullen with a sorry expression . Cullen scowled at its contents, at the same astonished by the sheer number of details on display yet intimidated by the sinister theme of the drawing. 

"You are still far too gentle, I am only fulfilling my duty towards the inquisition. "Answered Leliana with neutrality. 

Cullen seemed uncomfortable with her statement, "In any case," he went on, "I don't think this is going to help us in any way. This drawing is just a bad joke to get back at the interrogation you gave her a few days ago. 

Leliana smiled as she took the scroll from Cullen's hands, slowly tracing the pencil strokes that were scattered across the page with the tip of her gloves, before putting it away in a leather bag.

"As I said, you can never be too careful. "She finished before leaving the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it, thank you for reading all the way through! As always if you see any spelling mistakes or misunderstandings, do not hesitate to let me know in the comments ! 
> 
> I know it's a difficult time right now, I'm keeping a thought for my American readers because at the moment I'm posting this chapter you are still waiting for the results of the presidential elections. Please take care of yourself, and I hope my chapter has given you some respite.


	5. A small break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Many poeple in the inquisition are not what they seem , will Iris see through them or stay oblivious to their true motive ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, it has been a while, isn't it?  
> I have been working hard on my English studies and just came out of some semesters exam, Now I'm just looking forward to having some rest .. ahahah. This chapter is shorter than the last one, but I had it in my mind for a few weeks now and I'm glad that I finally wrote it down.  
> Again, English is not my first language so if you come across any mistakes in the way I spell or write things don't hesitate to say it so! I still have no beta reader, but for now, I'm okay with that. It seems that nobody has complained about my writing so far, and I'm very grateful for that. Still, if someone is motivated to look at my work once every two months or whenever I feel like I'm on a posting spree, my door is still open! I won't bother you any longer, I hope you enjoy this chapter.

_Quivers, cries, and weeping resonate in Denerym's Chantry. How long have I been there, with the other sisters, praying for everything to stop, holding back my tears to support the poor worshippers who have taken refuge here?_

_The walls are shaking again, they are shaking so hard that I am afraid that they will collapse on us. And it wouldn't even surprise me if they did. After all, we are in the midst of one of the most terrible battles of our age. A battle that would end the Blight if it is successful._

_The Blight, this thing seemed so foreign and impossible to me, who came from another world. But after everything that happened to me, I shouldn't even be surprised anymore. Everybody was talking about the darkspawns But despite that, I continued to live as if nothing were wrong, as if the Blight was just a fairy tale, at least until they came knocking at our doors._

_I could barely hear the Reverend Mother's prayers through the commotion that prevailed outside. Without realizing it, my prayers joined hers, as if that prayer was going to be the last. It was a last request to the Creator, to let me rest in peace when all of this will be over, whether I am still alive or not. The barricade, that the gray warden's companions helped us set up on the gates was only hanging by a thread, but before a new prayer concerning it escaped my lips, a new explosion broke out._

_When I open my eyes, I no longer hear the prayers of the sisters, I no longer hear anything. No more cries, no more sobs, just the crackling of the flames. I am in front of the Chantry now, but it is not Denerim's anymore. It's Haven ,and it is in ruins. Burned bodies are scattered all over the ground. I look around me, distraught and lost. Red lyrium is coming out of all parts of the village, and it sings, it sings with the flames that are ravaging the town._

_I run through the camp, hoping to find any living soul, but I am alone and there is no way out. The flames continue to grow, they dance around the lyrium, and surround me completely. My heart feels like it's exploding, and I scream with all my strength. I scream with fear, I scream for help, but no matter what I do or say the flames continue to engulf me._

_I am in a strange state, in which I don't know if it is me who is screaming or if it is another soul in pain who has taken over for me. These cries seem distant to me now, I let myself be lulled by the silence that takes place in my being until I hear an animal joining the cries, a guttural scream that jolts me awake._

\---

I am sitting upright in my bed with my hand on my heart, it twitches and my nightgown is sticking to my back. 

"It... it was just a dream... just a bad dream..." I try to reassure myself while catching my breath to calm my nerves, I get up to take a bucket of fresh water and make a quick wash. 

I still dream about the battle of Denerim frequently. It is a battle that leaved scars on many people. For my part, even if I am still haunted on some nights by these events, they remind me that I am still alive and that I must take advantage of this opportunity to live it to the fullest.

Well ... that's only what I try to convince myself every time a new nightmare comes my way. 

After I wash quickly and get dressed, I go and open the curtains of my cabin window to look outside. It's still early... dawn hasn't even come yet, and I wasn't determined to go back to bed, not after that. 

It had been a few weeks since Mahanon had left for the Storm Coasts and I made some efforts to be more sociable. Several times I stayed late at night talking with Varric and other members of the inquisition he introduced me to. Varric was always careful that I was not too overwhelmed by people's attention in the tavern so he was the one who talked the most. Sometimes I told myself that I didn't deserve his friendship, he was always very patient with me and I would always be eternally grateful to him for that.

Today was my rest-day, but since I didn't feel like sleeping anymore, I decided to take a small easel, a canvas, and a small painting palette to paint outside. After all, I don't think that Leliana's agents are interested in Haven landscapes, although... no, I'd rather not think about that right now...

I wrap myself up in a big coat made of bearskin and put on old leather gloves that I have transformed into a mitten for occasions like these, and then get out of my cabin. 

My easel is not very light, and it is not very practical to carry it along with the other painting supplies, so I don't stop far from my cabin. I sit on one of the small wooden platforms overlooking Haven's Lake and start preparing my palette. 

As I select and mix my paints, I see a uniformed elf standing by a tree, watching me. But as soon as my gaze crosses theirs, the elf disappears further into the forest. It must be one of Leliana's spies. Not paying much attention to it, I take out a small knife and start to put my colors on the canvas. The sun was starting to rise, and it was the perfect moment to capture the colors it reflected in the sky.

For a long time, I hated drawing landscapes, preferring to depict people, their joys, and sorrows on a canvas. But as the years went by, I realized that there was a certain pleasure in drawing lanscapes too. Nature was so beautiful and imperfect at the same time, never would a mountain complain if I drew its peak in the wrong direction. Because in nature, the standards of beauty did not exist and my brush was free to dance as it wanted on my canvas.

With this soothing thought in mind, I continued to paint Haven's surroundings. The sun was now high in the sky and it was not as cold as it used to be. 

My painting was almost finished, it wasn't the best I'd done, it wasn't neat and detailed like the commissions I usually do, that's for sure. But I liked the colors and the atmosphere that I had been able to show on the canvas. I smiled a little as I finished putting the details on my cabin, which I had also included in my painting. 

As I was finishing my painting I heard footsteps coming closer and heard a person greeting someone else in the distance, probably a watch shift among Leliana's spies, nothing more. Then the footsteps started walking again and came closer and closer to me. Curious, I turn around just after having left some red dots on the door of my cabin. 

The man, or rather the elf, who came towards me was a mage and member of the inquisition named Solas. Varric had introduced him to me two days earlier, and as he seemed to be an art enthusiast , we had no problem getting along. As he approached, he smiled slightly as he saw me turn around. 

"Beautiful day," he said, stopping in front of me. His smile was meant to be soothing, but when I saw him, I couldn't help but feel a knot in my stomach. Putting all this on my natural nervousness, I put these feelings aside and returned his smile. 

"Yes it is true, it is a beautiful day." 

Solas turned his eyes to my painting and said, "That's a very beautiful landscape that you have there. You never seem to get tired of painting, I admire that."

Flattered by his remark I let out a nervous laugh, "I appreciate the compliment, sometimes it feels good to paint for no one else but yourself".

"I think that's what makes it so charming. That someone has taken the patience to get up so early to paint a sunrise, just for the pleasure of immortalizing that moment, it is something that you can feel in a painting."

I was almost embarrassed by his sudden burst of compliments. I couldn't figure out if what he was saying was sincere or if it was just to please me and to brush me off in the right direction. But then again, there was no point in asking myself that. After seeing what "The Game" looks like, I know that it is better to accept these kind words without asking too many questions. And I've always had a bad habit of rejecting compliments, so it wouldn't hurt to be proud of my work from time to time. 

In spite of all this mental debate, I still couldn't help but add with a tight smile:

"I confess that it is not of goodwill that I got up so early in the morning to paint, it helps me to relieve stress."

He raises his eyebrows, surprised "I see... Bad night?". 

" Mostly bad dreams but yes, I didn't sleep very well," I answered him while sighing and cleaning my fingers covered with paint with a cloth. I glanced at him while taking care to clean carefully under my nails. "I keep dreaming about the battle in Denerim. And let's just say that when that happens it's pretty difficult to go back to bed. “

A burst of understanding passed through his eyes: "Many people are still touched by what happened during the Blight, Adan makes cpotions for the soldiers who have trouble sleeping, I'm sure that if you ask him, he would have no objection to make some for you too". He says to me with sympathy. 

"Oh, I didn't know, thanks for telling me," I said to him, knowing for a fact that I probably wouldn't do it. The apothecary was already very busy and I didn't want to go and bother him just because I wake up in a cold sweat a few nights a month.

Looking satisfied with my answer, Solas turned once again to look at my painting. 

"What a strange destiny, predicting the future with drawings." He said thoughtfully, and absent-mindedly. 

"I've never heard of anything like that..." he finishes. Solas was now looking off into the distance without saying anything. His expression troubled me. Even if he didn't have his gaze on me, I had the impression that he was judging me and analyzing me from every angle. I was uncomfortable, and as I was trying to find something to answer him I heard footsteps running towards us. 

We both turned around to see one of Cullen's soldiers coming towards us. 

" Madam Iris, Andraste's Herald has returned from his mission and asks for you at the Chantry." He said, catching his breath. 

Surprised by the news, I immediately replied "Oh, um, of course, I'll be right there! “ 

"I won't be bothering you any longer then, take care, Iris." Solas, then say. 

As he was getting ready to leave I held him back. "Ah... Solas, wait! "I delicately took the landscape that I had finished a few minutes earlier and handed it to him.

"Here, since you said that you liked it, I'll give it to you. It's not an oil paint, so it will dry quite quickly if you put it in a dry place." I said with a smile. 

Solas, disconcerted, moved his hand towards mine before asking "Are you sure? I'm just a humble apostate, are you ready to give one of your works of art away like that? “

"Of course, do not worry, I didn't spend enough time on it to call it a " work of art ". And to be honest, I'm sure that Leliana's agents would have stolen it from my cabin before tomorrow morning. So, do me a favor and take care of it, it'll be one less thing she'll have." 

Solas laughs as he gently takes the canvas from my hands, "Well, I see you're not carrying the Spy Master in your heart... All right, I will accept your painting. Have a nice day, Iris." 

And so he walked away, carefully holding the painting in his hands. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have very tumultuous feelings toward Solas, some days I want to kill him, on other ones I tolerate him, and sometimes when I feel like hating myself, I even love him. In this chapter, I wanted to show his manipulative side the most. He is a very interesting character after all and I feel like those sides of him are not written often ( or I do not find fanfic with it often so if you have any recommendation I'll gladly take them ahah...) For example, if you wondered about who Solas was greeting before coming up to Iris, it was one of Leliana's agent that she see earlier in the chapter. If you know Solas you can quickly figure out that she was already recruited by him ext... Again, I hope that you appreciated this chapter and the painting that was featured in it, I made it a few years ago following a joy of painting episode ( I love Bob Ross, a lot. ) and right now I'm just realizing that it just looks like Haven, it's funny how things coincide sometimes! I hope that all of you are staying safe during the holiday season, those are weird times after all. Take care, everyone!


End file.
